Tough Love On Negativity by Kimber Kiefer

Tough Love On Negativity by Kimber Kiefer

JAN 2012 was when I decided to take my fitness to the next level and make my dreams my reality. I set my first big fitness goal… bikini competition.  What better motivation than knowing you would be walking on stage in a tiny bikini in 5” heels with other gorgeous girls and being judged? It was the motivation I needed to push myself beyond my own limits and out of my comfort zone.  I started to learn the true concept of clean eating and the benefits of lifting weights.  It was such an amazing journey from beginning to end. It what was started my journey to live a healthy fit lifestyle.  I learned so much about myself mentally and physically. It built my self-confidence and made me realize that I have a passion for fitness. It is truly awesome to be able to do something you love and inspire and motivate others along the way!  I know competing is not for everyone. It is life consuming and takes some major dedication, motivation, and willpower. You have to find something that motivates you to be better and achieve your impossible.  I strongly encourage people to step out of their comfort zone and set goals. The sky is the limit and anyone can do it. Of course, you must believe in yourself and put in the effort and it can and will happen. Everyday in life is a blessing and full of opportunities to make your dreams your reality. Taking chances in life is really about overcoming your fears. Don’t let fear hold you back from getting what you want out of life.  Making choices and taking chances in life allows you to learn and grow.  Know that it is ok to make mistakes and fail; it is actually an important part of being successful.

My lifestyle has completely changed since January 2012.

I live a healthy fit lifestyle full time now. I love it and it makes me happy. I must say it has had its challenges though. Life isn’t always easy or perfect for anyone and we all have challenges and struggles in our life no matter who we are.  We cannot control everything that goes on in our life, but we can control our attitude and how we deal with things. Please know that if you don’t surround yourself with positive supportive people it is not possible to be successful. Associating yourself with positive, focused people who lift you higher and that you can learn from will increase your success and happiness in life.

I will be honest, there have been some major changes in my life since I started living my healthy fit lifestyle.  I was forced to get a new job and made the decision to remove myself from a negative toxic training environment. It was upsetting and a hard decision to make, but it has helped me learn the importance of finding and focusing on the positive even in the negative situations in life. Remember there are lessons to be learned and growth to be made in every situation. It is what makes us who we are today. “We don’t grow when things are easy; we grow when we face challenges.”

One of the biggest obstacles I struggled with when my lifestyle changed was dealing with negativity and unsupportive friends, coworkers and family members.

You have to remember it is important to keep your priorities in check and balance in your life:  family, career, clean eating, training, etc. Not always an easy task. Have you dealt with negative people before? If you have you know how draining it can be. You must help the important people in your life understand how important this lifestyle is to you and how positive it can be. If people are not willing to be positive and support you; reduce contact with some people and you may even have to disconnect completely. Negative people are negative because they lack love, positivity and warmth in their life. You can make the effort to put some positivity and love in their life, but don’t waste too much time and energy if they are not accepting. Often, negative behavior is a barrier used to protect them against the world.  To approach them, you need to understand where the negativity is coming from: jealousy, misunderstanding or concern.

Jealousy can be very ugly and bring up a lot of negativity. One of the main causes of jealousy is lack of self-confidence. Jealous people put others down to boost their own self-esteem. Some people have a hard time watching others make improvements in their life and get angry and/or jealous.  Life is too short and precious to be around people that don’t support you and your healthy fit lifestyle. If people are toxic and negative and don’t listen to your concerns it is best to eliminate them from your life in any situation.  People that love and care for you will want you to succeed in your new healthy fit lifestyle and life in general.

Sometimes others don’t understand the process and benefits of clean eating and living a healthy fit lifestyle. We can take the opportunity to educate them and involve them by getting them to work out with you and/or try one of your healthy recipes.  If they still do not understand, support you, or respect your feelings, you will have to decide if it is best to decrease contact or completely eliminate them from your life.

Is the negativity stemming from concern? People have a hard time with change in their lives.

I have learned through the major changes in my life that change is uncomfortable at first, but it is truly an opportunity to grow and learn. “With every great risk comes great reward.” Once others get over the initial shock of the change and see the benefits of your healthy fit lifestyle, they might want to join you. Sometimes you might have to have some patience and give them some time to adjust to the new you. It is important to make an effort with the people that are important to you, but if they don’t wish the best for you, it is time to evaluate the importance of them in your life.

Communication is always the best way to deal with an issue.  Express your feelings and allow the negative people the opportunity to understand where you are coming from and the importance of this new lifestyle and new you. If they are not willing to accept you for who you are, you don’t need them in your life. “Be yourself, because the people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter, don’t mind” It is important to make the effort with the people in your life that are kind, love you, and have a positive influence on you and your lifestyle. I always strive to be a positive role model and have positive effects on the lives of others. I am a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around.

If you want to be successful at living a healthy fit lifestyle, you must surround yourself with people that are positive and supportive.

It is not an easy lifestyle and it takes hard work, dedication, and willpower. Many people fail time and time again because they don’t create a solid support and accountability system. We all need a system that holds us accountable to our lifestyles, behaviors, habits, and actions and leads us towards our health and fitness goals. There will always be temptations and struggles and sometimes you will give in. Don’t get down on yourself if you have a bad day, we are all human. Don’t allow yourself to spiral out of control.  Always remember tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. Do know that changing your lifestyle often requires changing your environment and the people in it.  Having supportive and encouraging people around is a must to be successful.  Find a support system that works for you: workout partner (love my workout partner Abi Christine Woodcock), join a fitness group on Facebook, or get a trainer.  Having support increases your chances for success. Having someone to support you through your highs and lows is motivating and keeps you both on track.  The type of people you surround yourself with has a huge impact on your well being and your mental attitude. A positive mental attitude improves your health, enhances your relationships, increases your chances of success, and adds years to your life. So, surround yourself with people who are positive, who love you, support you, believe in you and do the same for them. You must realize that your mindset and outlook has a huge effect on your level of happiness. “Surround yourself with people who lift you higher and believe in your dreams.” My husband and family have been very accepting of the new me and I couldn’t do it without their love and support. Always keep life fun and interesting and challenge yourself.

I want to thank Miriam for this awesome opportunity to be part of such an amazing motivating book “Real Talk Real Women”. This book is going to be a must have to read over and over for motivation and inspiration.  I am a huge fan of strong powerful women empowering each other and that is what Real Talk Real Women is all about.  So honored to be included with all these amazing inspiring ladies.

Connect with Kimber Kiefer via Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and her website

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Written by Kimber Kiefer

I'm a model, fitness guru, and bikini competitor. I am ambitious, sociable, punctual, and like to have fun. My competition in life is with myself and no one else. I am always striving to be a better me and push myself beyond my own limits.


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